


A Thousand Butterflies Can't Be Wrong, (But I Think I Might Be.)

by electricteatime



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Farah/Tina (Background), First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, I finally wrote a getting together fic!, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Todd is bad at feelings but he gets there, Valentines Bang, its short and dumb and hopefully cute, terrible detective work, the slightest mention of Farah/Todd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 09:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricteatime/pseuds/electricteatime
Summary: It’s a lot, heknowsit’s a lot, and he almost wishes he’d stopped to think about his answer before just blurting his feelings all over the place. But then he supposes he’s always been a little like that, and it hardly makes sense to change that now. If Todd feels the same he already knows what he’s signing up for.If.For two small letters, it reallyisa big word.***Dirk contemplates the uncertainties of the direction his life is heading post-Wendimoor, and finds a little certainty along the way.Or: Dirk is a smitten idiot, Todd really isn't much better, and Hobbs is the Dad we all deserve.





	A Thousand Butterflies Can't Be Wrong, (But I Think I Might Be.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, welcome to my Valentines Mini-Bang fic! In a break with tradition, this fic got finished pretty quickly for me, and so I've kind of been sat on it for a while, excited to share. 
> 
> Like all bang fics this fic comes with art! I was lucky enough to be partnered with the wonderful [marizetta](http://marizetta.tumblr.com/) whose art style I _love_ and has created some frankly amazing art for this fic [that can be found here.](http://marizetta.tumblr.com/post/182840586325/my-part-for-the-dghdabigbang-valentines-mini-bang)
> 
> Special thanks to Hellz for organising, and to you for reading. I'm going to shut up now so we can get to the fluff.

Despite their surprisingly quick release from hospital following the whole Wendimoor debacle, it takes quite some time before everyone is well enough to _actually_ get together properly. What with everyone but Todd nursing gunshot wounds, (something Dirk would poke fun at were it not for the agonising knowledge that Todd now has his own, rather more permanent health concerns to be dealing with), the end-of-case celebration Tina had _insisted_ on had taken a little while to come to fruition. 

In all honesty, Dirk had rather been hoping she’d forget about it altogether before they managed to slip off back to- he wants to say home, but he’s not sure where that is anymore. Not sure what’s next. Not sure if _anything_ is next or if this is... _it_. Tina and Hobbs will go back to their jobs, a little more enlightened about the wider world but no less bored by the quietness of their county, Dirk will inevitably be swept up into some other ridiculous, _dangerous_ notion that the universe decides to toss his way, and Todd and Farah… well. They haven’t had that conversation yet. There’s an uncomfortable tightness in his chest when he thinks about the possibility that this could be the end, so he’s trying to put off the conversation for as long as possible. 

_But_ , he thinks decisively, he’s not going to think about that now. Instead he finds himself sitting up a little straighter as Hobbs manages to pry himself away from friendly conversation and makes his way over from the bar, to where he’s sat on his own at a table overlooking the somewhat _ridiculous_ game of pool Todd, Farah, and Tina seem to be playing. He can’t follow it for the _life_ of him, but it’s nice to see them all having a good time after everything. 

“You didn’t feel like a game?” Hobb’s voice comes, friendly and curious as he settles into the seat next to him so he can watch too. 

“Not really,” he sighs, slumping back in his seat. “I’m afraid pool isn’t _really_ something I excel at, and yet _despite_ that I can’t help feeling if I tried I’d be somehow _universally_ affected in one way or another.”

Sherlock hums noncommittally, and it’s oddly refreshing to not have to field questions about how he knows that, or why he knows it, or what would happen if he _did_ try. It’s very hard to convince people that he knows as much about how his _thing_ works as he does about… well, how to play pool. Todd seems to know though, as does Farah, but it doesn’t stop them pointing out better plays to each other while Tina tries to talk them both into a betting ring for the outcome. Dirk sighs again, and this time it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Now ah,” Sherlock clears his throat, and Dirk fixes his gaze on his friends all the more resolutely. “I don’t want to pry but… you seem to uh, have something on your mind.”

Perhaps it’s the soft concern with which he says it, or perhaps it’s the fact that it doesn’t seem like he’d press if Dirk refused to talk about it, but somehow it’s enough to make his shoulders drop wearily. 

“Is it that obvious?”

“Well, I’m no detective, but I would say it’s.. it’s pretty obvious. Maybe even _very_ obvious. You have a… long face.”

Dirk’s eyebrows furrow, and he manages to pull his gaze away from the scene he’d been watching to give Sherlock a _look_ that’s some mix of confused and offended. 

“Don’t mind my asking, but does the method of _insulting_ people _usually_ make them feel better?”

“Oh! Oh no I didn’t- It’s just a turn of phrase. Means… means you look sad. Or thoughtful, I suppose. Maybe somewhere in the middle there?”

“Oh. Well. That’s…” Dirk sighs, shaking his head as he sips at his beer, wrinkling his nose at the taste. It’s not his first choice, or his second, or even his _third_. If he’s being honest it’s not what he would have picked at _all_ , but Todd seemed to like it and Dirk hadn’t thought anything past that when he’d ordered it. What Todd likes. It seems to be a minor fixation for him right now. 

“You want to talk about it?”

“There’s not really anything to talk _about_.” Which is the problem really, he thinks, turning his gaze reluctantly back to the pool table where Tina is laughing while Todd tries to throw Farah off her very serious looking game. She scowls at him, saying something Dirk can’t hear and Todd holds his hands up in surrender, laughing and backing away. He watches as her expression softens, biting back her own smile, shaking her head as he clearly tries to explain some method of playing she doesn’t agree with, leaning back to watch him fondly. 

Dirk drops his eyes to his glass.

“They look… _good_ together. Don’t you think?” He tries to make it neutral, _happy_ even, because he is happy for them, he _is_. It’s just… not that convincing when he tries to put it into his voice.

“Who do you mean?” Sherlock asks, sounding far more impartial than Dirk had managed to. He wonders if he should ask him for tips.

“Who… Todd and Farah, _obviously_. They’re… doing a _thing_. I suppose.”

“Doing… a thing?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Dirk shakes his head a little in his direction, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “They… well. They _‘made out’_ when they were looking for me, and I think it’s pretty obvious that… I mean, things got a little… _out of hand_ with the case, but now it’s all solved and we’re all settled they…” he swallows heavily, blinking down at his drink like it’ll help him pretend he’s not fighting back tears. “Being on the run together like that for two months would make you close, I suppose. And they got to know each other… a _lot_. They’re close, and they did… _that_ , and now they’re…” he can’t say the word no matter how much he wants to. 

“Dating?”

Dirk nods miserably. He _knows_ why it bothers him, but he’s not sure he wants to admit that either, he’d rather get over it as quietly as possible and move on to being happy for his friends. His _best_ friends. His best friends who are happy and in… in _love_ and _together_ just… with each other. Without him. Not that he wants to be with _them_ , just… someone, maybe? A very _specific_ someone. Who it would appear, has very much been taken. 

He wonders briefly if, it was him and Todd left alone on the run for two months, he’d have stood a better chance. He watches the way Todd throws his head back laughing at something Farah had said and decides probably not. It’s probably for the best anyway, his lifestyle isn’t really suited to things like _relationships_ , and if this _is_ the end of it like he’d feared, it’s a lot easier not to have to think about all that. 

“Ah geez, well I sure hope not,” Sherlock says, pulling him out of his thoughts with a frown. It’s not like him to be unkind, and it’s enough to throw Dirk off of his self-pity spiral for the moment.

“Why not? They seem… happy.”

“Sure, they’re good together. They’re close.” He takes a sip of his own drink, leaning back in his chair. “But I’m afraid to say Miss Black was uh, shall we say, _otherwise occupied_ with a certain Deputy of mine last night. So if they are, as you say, _together_ , then we may be looking at a case of a broken heart for your… Well. Todd. Or Tina, come to think of it. And don’t mind my saying but… that doesn’t seem like Farah.”

Dirk blinks once. And again. And then multiple times in quick succession as he looks from his drink, to Hobbs, and back to the pool table. Farah and Todd are still teasing each other, just like they were when he last looked, but now he turns his attention to Tina. Tina who is grinning at Farah like she hung the sun in the sky, which was really no different to how she always looked at her so no clues there. But Tina who throws her hands in the air with a victory cry when Farah cleans the table and leaves Todd rolling his eyes, Tina who wraps her arms around Farah’s neck and jumps up and down with her (and, Dirk notes to his amazement, Farah _lets_ her), and then the far more puzzling, perhaps even _world changing_ moment, when Tina pulls back just enough to kiss her. Right there. Right in front of them. Right in front of _Todd_. Todd who shakes his head when Farah blushes and pushes her back a little, likely protesting the publicity of such an intimate action, Todd who pats Farah on the back in a familiar way, conceding his defeat to her rather ruthless victory. Todd who, Dirk realises with a sudden panic, has turned to look at him with his eyebrows raised in what Dirk knows well enough to read as a question to his current wellbeing. 

The world around him spins, and it isn’t because of the drink. 

“ _Oh_ ,” he breathes, feeling a little steadier when Hobbs sets a hand on his shoulder. “Oh. _Oh_ , well that’s- that’s- yes it’s… is it?”

“It sure is something. Whether it’s the something you were hoping for, well…” Hobbs smiles at him, fond as he squeezes his shoulder where he’s holding it, and tilts his head towards where Todd is setting down his pool cue to make his way over. Dirk’s mouth suddenly feels very dry, “...you might have to ask about that.”

Dirk swallows, a sandpapery feeling in his throat as he manages to tear his gaze away from Todd and throw Sherlock a panicked look, face pale as he tightens his hold on his glass. 

“Um… might I be so forward as to enquire how exactly one would ask… _that_? It’s just I’m not really very… well, that is to say I _suppose_ there are _ways_ of… are you- is it even _polite_ to ask such a thing?” he shuts his mouth with an audible click before he can babble any further, but even his wide-eyed, pleading gaze isn’t enough to get an answer. To be fair, Dirk thinks, he’s not even sure what he was _asking_. 

“I’m sure you’ll be just fine,” he reassures him, warm and friendly before dropping the hand on his shoulder and turning to- _oh god, he’s here already._ “Didn’t look like you had much luck out there, huh?” he asks by way of greeting, and Dirk would be thankful for the bought time if he had even the first idea what to do with it.

“Farah’s… not good at being bad at things. Including pool,” he doesn’t even need to look at Todd to know that he’s doing that _lovely_ little one shouldered shrug. He does anyway, pleased to see his assumptions are correct. “Thought I’d uh… take a break from losing.” This time he smiles, the little lopsided one that makes Dirk’s heart do funny things in his chest. God. This is going to be some kind of torture, he’s sure of it. 

“Ah, well, can’t say I blame you,” Sherlock laughs. “Guess it’s my turn, I did promise Tina a round, I usually let her win, but if she’s got some skill on her side I might try _playing_.”

Dirk watches as he claps Todd on the shoulder, and leaves the table to make his way down towards where Farah and Tina appear to be arguing over the pool cues. He keeps his eyes on his back for as long as he can, which turns out to be _too_ long when it earns him a slightly concerned-

“Dirk?”

 _Shit_.

“Todd!” 

It comes out too loud, too brightly, and were he not determined to follow through with his mistake now he’s made it he would have winced himself. 

“It’s you! I mean, of course it’s you, it’s always you. Well, not _always_. But… most of the time. The best times. Which isn’t to say that anyone else wouldn’t _also_ be the best! As long as they were a _good_ anyone else, just that they wouldn’t be, well… _you_.”

The look Todd gives him is both bemused and fond, and does absolutely _nothing_ to calm the frantic way his heart is beating, or stop his palms growing sweaty around the glass. 

“ _Right_. Well- last I checked I’m still me, so…”

Dirk swallows, nodding his agreement somewhat frantically as Todd sits down opposite him, shooting him a concerned look.

“You okay?”

“Yes! Yes, of course. I’m fine. More than fine, actually, never better, in fact! Absolutely… splendid?”

Todd’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline, but it only takes a second for him to snort, shaking his head as he takes another drink. 

“You’re such a shit liar.”

“I… am?” Dirk wants to protest, he can be a bloody _fantastic_ liar when it’s called for, but not, it would appear, when faced with this _awful_ flustered sensation that he can’t seem to get rid of no matter how he tries. 

“You do this… thing. This... _british_ thing.”

Now he’s just confused, and possibly a little insulted. 

“ _British_ thing? Todd, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I do just so happen to _be_ british. _Everything_ I do is a ‘british thing’.”

Todd rolls his eyes, and Dirk tries very hard to ignore the swooping feeling in his stomach at the sight. 

“ _No,_ I mean like… when you get, I dunno, worked up? You do this… _thing_ where you just start spouting _words_ and then you get… you just said ‘absolutely splendid.’ It’s… _you know_. British.”

“Your british accent is still _terrible_ ,” he informs him, but god if it isn’t enough to pull a smile to his face, despite still being uncertain as to whether or not he should be offended. 

“Yeah, well.” Todd shrugs, turning his own pleased little smile back to his drink. “So uh, what’s wrong?”

Ah. So he hadn’t escaped that particular line of questioning after all. 

Dirk distracts himself, attempting to get out of answering by deciding to down as much of his beer in one go as is possible without wincing at the taste, setting his glass down on the table a few moments later with little more than a quarter left, and resolutely ignoring Todd’s stunned expression. It may have been, he admits, a bit of a hasty decision.

“The beer is _terrible_ ,” he informs him, utilising the precious moments Todd’s shock has given him to get up and literally walk away from the conversation. 

It’s probably _not_ the most inconspicuous thing he could have done, and it barely takes a minute before he hears the scrape of a chair being pushed back as Todd scrambles to his feet to follow. 

“ _Dirk_! _Wh-_ Hold up!” 

He doesn’t stop, but it hardly takes Todd long to catch up with him, and then he’s pushing in front holding his hands up to get him to stop in his tracks. 

“What the hell? You can’t just- walk out!”

“Not if you keep standing in the way I can’t!” 

It’s bordering on hysterical, and he _wishes_ he could have a more normal response, but between the stresses of the past month, the case itself, having _blackwing_ inviting themselves back into his life so casually, and then his friends being _hurt_ and the possibility that this could be the end of _everything_ and then on top of it _all_ there’s this _stupid_ , fluttery feeling he gets whenever he so much as _looks_ at Todd that he’s been _trying_ to ignore because of the whole ToddandFarah thing only to find out that’s _not_ a thing, he thinks he might be entitled to a _bit_ of a panic. Or a _lot_ of one, if the look on Todd’s face is anything to go by. 

“Woah, _Jesus_ , okay. Okay let’s- we should go… outside? Let's go outside.” Todd nods once decisively, taking hold of Dirk’s arm to guide him out when it becomes apparent that he isn’t going to move without prompting. “Come on.”

Dirk lets himself be pulled along with minimal resistance, caused mostly by the fact that he's still not quite up to walking at his usual pace, and a reluctance to have the conversation this is inevitably going to end in. It's a lot cooler outside than it was when they'd arrived, and they end up sitting closer together than they maybe usually would when they manage to find a bench. It should be reassuring, but it isn't. Instead it just sets another round of butterflies flurrying in his stomach, which Dirk is less than thankful for.

“What was that?” Todd asks eventually, having been content to let them sit in silence until now. 

Dirk has his eyes closed, but he can _feel_ the way Todd's looking at him. He can picture his face, eyes wide and wary with concern, the slight downturn of his mouth at the edges, the way his eyebrows will have scrunched up together, wavy and worried and just _waiting_ for someone to reach over and smooth them out. He wants to every time he sees him like that, and that's no less true this time when he opens his eyes to glance over at him, proving his suspicions correct.

“I… had a _moment_.”

He watches as Todd's eyebrows make the climb towards his hairline, and tries very hard not to _stare_. Stupid Todd and his stupid eyebrows, it's not at _all_ conducive to coming up with excuses.

“A _moment_?” he echoes, disbelievingly. “You had a whole… _thing_.”

“Yes, _thank you_ Todd, that certainly clears things up,” he huffs, folding his arms over his chest defensively and trying not to wince at the lingering pain _there_ either.

“Well it might be helpful if you, you know, actually _said_ something?”

“There's nothing to say! The case is over, we’re all nearly, or _very_ nearly, back on our feet, and everyone is clearly having a _great_ time. Everything is…” he sighs, slumping back against the bench in defeat, “...fine.” 

Todd frowns again, Dirk concerns himself with picking at imaginary loose threads on his jeans.

“So what's _wrong_?”

Sometimes, just _sometimes,_ Dirk wishes Todd was as bad of a friend as he likes to claim to be, because then he wouldn't be so stubborn in his concern, and maybe Dirk would be less inclined to want to answer him.

“It's…” he shakes his head, looking up at the sky where the setting sun is painting the clouds in pinks and reds and oranges. Any other time and it would be beautiful, but right now it feels like an omen. “It's fine for _now_. Everyone is having a good time for _now_. Everyone is okay _for now_. But… it won't be fine, or a good time, _or_ okay. Not for long. Certainly not when the next thing comes along, and _definitely_ not when you and Farah-”

He manages to cut himself off, jaw tense where it feels like he's physically holding back the words in his throat. It wasn't soon enough though.

“When me and Farah… when we _what_?” Todd sounds confused, and Dirk _wishes_ he could feel contempt at that. Instead he just feels like if he doesn't get the words out he's going to start crying.

“When you… do _whatever_ it is you're going to do next.”

Todd is quiet for a moment that seems to drag on forever, and when he finally speaks he sounds both confused and a little upset.

“What do you think we're going to do next?”

Dirk swallows, shrugs half heartedly, and does his best to avoid Todd's gaze.

“No. No, Dirk that's-” he makes a small sound of frustration before reaching out to put his hand on Dirk’s shoulder, turning him just enough that he doesn't have much choice _but_ to look. “If… if there's something going on you _have_ to tell me. I can't… I can't tell you that you're wrong if I don't know what you're thinking.” 

“You can't tell me I'm _right_ either.”

He doesn't want to be right, he doesn't want them to go, he doesn't _want_ this to be the end of everything, but more than that he doesn't want to _hear_ it. Not right now. Not from _Todd_.

“Farah’s been looking at offices.”

Dirk frowns, taking a minute to try and work out what that means or how it fits into their conversation. He tries not to be too hopeful when he looks at Todd warily, assuming there’s more.

“She said she would feel better if she scoped out options first and then let you choose. Something about security? And location, and… well. A lot of things she doesn't want you to have to worry about considering, I guess.”

“Options?”

There's a step there, something Todd is implying that he's not brave enough to leap to for fear of getting his hopes crushed. But the hope is making itself known all the same, threatening to bubble over into something suspiciously close to joy.

“Yeah, you know. It's… it's gonna be your agency, and- well, home? I guess? You should get to choose.”

Dirk tilts his head, uncertain and trying to compute exactly what it is that Todd's saying. He _knows_ , somewhere, _logically_ , but it's the _believing_ that's a little more of a problem. He blinks, multiple times in quick succession, and regards the soft, almost _fond_ look on Todd's face as he waits for him to catch up.

“Oh.” He says eventually. It's not exactly his most astute reaction ever, but it sums up his feelings quite well. “What… what about you?”

“What?”

“Well-” Dirk pauses, feeling far more out of his depth than he'd like. “Well if Farah is… considering options for… _that_. And then… then _I_ get to pick one? Then… what about you?”

The implication that Todd would be staying isn't enough, he needs to _know_. But Todd just shakes his head, seemingly amused by the question.

“I don't mind. Farah’s paying, and you're…” he clears his throat, and if Dirk didn't know any better he'd say he was being _shy_. “You're going to be there so… that's where I'll be. Where you are. _God_ that's… sorry. That's… _shit_ ,” he laughs, small and humourless as he runs a self conscious hand through his hair. 

It's safe to say Dirk _hasn't_ been keeping _any_ amount of control over his feelings regarding Todd so far, but there's absolutely no stopping the sheer _eruption_ of affection he feels towards him in this moment. It's hardly the first time he's _wanted_ to kiss him, but it's the first time he's thought he _could_. 

“I thought you and Farah were dating.”

Or he could say _that_ instead. _Stupid_ Dirk. It works to stop Todd looking so embarrassed though, because the look he gives Dirk can only be described as _alarmed_.

“You-” he stutters over a few half formed words for a moment before settling on “ _what_?”

Dirk, in typical fashion upon hearing the words he'd been trying _not_ to say spill out of his mouth for no apparent reason other than to make his already complicated life _more_ complicated, panics. 

And then, contrary to every stop, cease, and desist sign his brain is throwing at him, he _keeps talking_.

“Well it's not like it's _entirely_ outside the realm of probability! You two are… you're _close_! You're _very_ close! And you spent _months_ on the run together in very close quarters, _and_ you _told me_ that you _made out_. Then you've been spending… _time_ together in _secret_ , and doing… well I _assumed_ it was _meant_ to be flirting? But honestly Todd, it _was_ kind of, and I don't know how to put this nicely, _tragic_ , on your part at least. You just kept… being _like that_ around each other and, and! Even Tina thought you were together! So it's not… don't look at me like it was a ridiculous conclusion to come to! It made _sense._ Even if it _was_ completely-” he cuts himself off, already wide eyed and defensive from his rant but looking significantly shiftier about it now. “ _-less_ than ideal.” 

Todd just stares at him unblinkingly, and if he's honest it's a _little_ unnerving.

“And you didn't think to just… I don't know, ask?” he sounds a little hysterical, but he _does_ have a _point_ even if Dirk is loathe to admit it. 

“ _No_.” 

“Right. Right, okay it's-”

“I was respecting your privacy!”

“By watching our every move?”

“I didn't watch your _every_ move,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Besides, you make it sound like… _stalking_.”

“Oh yeah?” Todd, at least, sounds more resignedly amused than he does angry or upset. “What was it then?”

Dirk flounders. “...Detecting?”

Todd regards him with an expression Dirk can't work out for the life of him, and he swallows at the sudden, strange feeling of _tension_ creeping up his spine.

“Sometimes…” Todd sighs. “Sometimes you're _such_ a fucking _idiot_.” 

Dirk _would_ be affronted, only he's too busy being confused, and Todd didn't really sound like he was trying to insult him anyway.

The tugging in his gut that so often drags him into experiencing the previously thought to be _impossible_ is throwing out every sign it has to tell him that now, _now_ , is the time to say something. 

It’s not the first time Dirk has wished for a _little_ more warning.

“Sometimes…” and god, have his palms always felt that sweaty? Has his heart _always_ beat that fast? Has he always found it _this_ hard to breathe? He can't remember a time when he hasn't. “ _Sometimes_ you're no better.”

Todd's eyebrows furrow once again, looking up at him warily like he's not sure what to make of him.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

For a minute he does nothing, but then, as slowly as he thinks he's ever done anything in his life, he reaches out to take Todd's hand. 

Todd's eyes widen, looking just about as breathless as Dirk feels, and for once tonight it feels like they're both off balance together. He looks down at their hands before looking back to Dirk, taken off guard and, if Dirk isn't reading too much into it (god, he hopes he isn't), a little hopeful.

“I wasn't watching you and Farah,” he admits, not daring to look away because Todd's eyes are _so_ blue, and if he does he may lose his nerve altogether. “I was watching _you_.”

Then Todd, being Todd, asks the one question only Todd would ask.

“Why?”

There are a _million_ reasons why, and Dirk thinks Todd deserves to hear them all. But his mouth is dry, and he feels like a _mess_ just at the thought of having to find the words he’d need to explain just how much Todd means to him. It’s not enough to stop him though, not when every instinct he has is telling him _not_ to let go of this.

“Because… because I only had you for a week before I lost you. Because I spent every day I was away from you thinking about you, hoping you were safe, wondering if I’d ever see you again and almost hoping I _wouldn’t_ if it would mean you weren’t _there_. But then I _did_ see you again, and you were… you were _looking_ for me. And your eyes were bluer than I remembered, but everything else was… _perfect_. You’re brave, and you’re good, and you’re… grumpy as fuck to be honest but it’s… it’s _you_ and I wouldn’t _ever_ change that. I wouldn’t _want_ to because… because when I saw you again I didn’t have _any_ idea where we were or how I got there but it… it felt like _home_ , or the closest thing I’ve ever had, and I just… Whenever I look at you I get this really _annoying_ kind of _fluttery_ feeling and I don’t know what to do with my hands or my words or, well, _anything_ really and I kind of wish it would _stop_ but I also don’t _want_ it to because… I suppose I spent all that time watching you because I might be-” he can’t stop the rush of words now he’s started, but he can feel his heart jump to his throat at the admission he knows is coming, “-I might be just a little bit, well, _in love_ with you, and I suppose I was… _hoping_ , that maybe one time I might find you… looking _back_.”

It’s a lot, he _knows_ it’s a lot, and he almost wishes he’d stopped to think about his answer before just blurting his _feelings_ all over the place. But then he supposes he’s always been a little like that, and it hardly makes sense to change that now. If Todd feels the same he already knows what he’s signing up for. If. For two small letters, it really _is_ a big word, one that seems to be only growing bigger with the silence that stretches on between them while Todd just… _watches._

Eventually he can’t stand it any longer, and drops his gaze to his knees. 

“It’s… it’s _okay_ if you don’t…” it’s so much harder to find the words when he has to think of the _right_ ones, but if he’s already started he can’t _stop_. “I’ve been wrong about a _lot_ of things in my life,-” he doesn’t dare even glance in Todd’s direction as he speaks, “-but… I’m _really_ hoping I’m not wrong about this.”

Silence. _Again_. Dirk _knows_ when he stops to think about it that Todd can struggle to find words when he wants them to mean something, but he doesn’t know how much more of this he can _take_.

“You’re not wrong.”

It’s soft, enough that Dirk wonders at first if he even spoke, but when he dares to look back over at him the raw, vulnerable expression on Todd’s face is enough to tell him he heard him right. Todd swallows heavily when their eyes meet, hands clenching into fists like he’s trying to steel himself for something. 

“You- when you were… _gone_ it was- I kept thinking I’d never see you again. So… so I made this list, in my head, of all the things I wanted to say to you. All things I _should_ have said? I don’t know. But I… I don’t know if I- if I _can_ I just-”

Dirk shakes his head frantically, rushing to reassure him by taking hold of his hands and twining their fingers together like it will help keep him here. “It’s okay. You… you _really_ don’t have to. I don’t _need_ to-”

“No, but you _should_. You _deserve_ to hear it and… I’m _bad_ at that. I’m bad at a _lot_ of things but that’s…” he shakes his head. “You said I was brave but I’m _not_. I mean- I can’t even tell you… and you said it _first_ but I’m still… scared. I guess.”

“ _Todd_ ,” they’re close enough now that he barely has to raise his voice to be heard, squeezing their hands together like a reminder, emboldened by his response. “I love you. And, well, while it might be _nice_ to hear it back at some point, I’m not going to _stop_ just because you can’t say it. You have _plenty_ of other words, I think we _all_ know that.”

It’s a risk, the teasing, but when it makes Todd huff a small breath of laughter, cheeks flushing pink with the sound, Dirk smiles like it’s the best thing he’s ever seen. 

“ _Dick_ ,” comes his ever so predictable response. Just another thing that Dirk loves about him. Just another thing that makes the butterflies in his stomach come to life, and he finds himself giggling, only encouraged when Todd looks at him with something akin to wonder at the sound. 

Todd might not be able to say it yet, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t show all over his face. 

And it doesn’t mean he can’t find ways to show him.

Dirk sees the moment he makes the decision, but doesn’t work out what that decision _is_ until Todd lets go of one of his hands to pull him in by the front of his shirt, and press their mouths together in what Dirk is _sure_ is the _best_ kiss _ever_ experienced by _anyone_ in the entire history of the _world_. 

It’s enough to make him stop giggling at any rate. 

Instead it pulls an _entirely_ unflattering squeak of surprise from him, that he only has the slightest second to be embarrassed about before he discovers that Todd’s tiny, breathless laughs are even _better_ when he can taste them, and the _delightful_ little hitch in his breath when Dirk presses in for more is something he’d _never_ thought he could like so much.

Like all good (amazing, _astonishing_ ) things, it eventually comes to an end. Todd pulls away first, ducking his head and biting his lip against a smile he’s _utterly_ failing to hide, and _more_ than enough to take Dirk’s breath away all over again when he looks up at him through his eyelashes and Dirk’s host of butterflies damn near turn into a hurricane. So much for getting rid of _that_ problem. 

“Okay?” Todd asks, but he sounds like he already knows the answer. When Dirk just nods somewhat dumbly, he laughs again. “Never uh, thought I’d see you _actually_ lost for words.”

“I’m… _processing_ ,” it sounds weak even to his ears, but it’s _true._

“ _Sure_. Just… let me know when you’re done.”

Dirk huffs, grin spreading across his face despite Todd’s teasing and leaning in to rest their heads together, noses brushing when Todd leans into it as well. 

“Hi,” he says, looking far more adorable than any grown man has the right to. 

“Hello.”

“You done _processing_ yet?”

Dirk bumps their noses together in gentle admonishment. “Not quite. But I think I’ve gathered enough data to come to a conclusion.”

“Oh?” Todd’s eyebrows raise, the expression undeniably playful. “And what’s that?”

“I’m promoting you. To partner. Or… boyfriend? Whichever you’d prefer, really. They have the same... basic functionality.”

Todd snorts. “Do I get a pay rise?”

“ _No_ , but…” he wets his lips, assessing the moment before chancing, “it might come with other benefits?”

“Yeah?” it’s perhaps a little suggestive, and Dirk considers banning him from saying any words in that tone _ever_ again, for the sake of his sanity if nothing else. “Like what?”

“Well, since you ask. Like… hand-holding. And bed-sharing. And maybe, if you’re _very_ lucky, access to a rather impressive jacket collection.”

“Hmm,” Todd leans back just enough to look at him properly. “What about the kisses? Not included?”

“Oh,” he puts on the most serious face he can manage, “the kisses are absolutely a _responsibility_.” 

Todd lasts for maybe half a second before he dissolves into laughter, tugging Dirk with him to sit back against the bench, hands still twined together as he drops his head onto his shoulder, still shaking with mirth. 

“You’re such a _dork_. Why do I like you?” 

“Because I’m a great detective?”

He can _feel_ Todd’s eye-roll. “You thought I was _dating_ Farah.”

Dirk turns to press his answering smile into Todd’s hair. “I’m quite happy to be wrong about that one. More than happy. _Delighted_ , in fact.”

“Yeah,” Todd agrees, the word more a wistful sigh than anything. “We should probably get back though, y’know, before they wonder where we’ve gone.”

Todd is right of course, but that doesn’t mean Dirk has to _like_ it. 

“Five more minutes?”

The sun has nearly disappeared by now, sinking slowly over the horizon, and he can feel the cold starting to creep in with it. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request though, and Todd seems to agree if the way he just huddles in a little closer is anything to go by. Dirk thinks the warmth in his heart right now might be enough to stave off the cold night air. 

“Five more minutes,” he tells him, like it was his idea in the first place. “Oh, and Dirk?”

“Yes?”

“You should probably make sure you say thanks, to Sherlock.”

The smirk is obvious in his voice, and Dirk feels his face go hot with the blush that spreads out across his cheeks. 

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Todd.”

“Sure. Just… I’m- _glad_. That you- I mean, I know I could’ve but… like I said. I’m not… brave. Not like that. I want to get this right.”

Dirk wonders how on earth he could ever get this _wrong_. It’s not what Todd needs to hear though, not right now. 

“Well don’t worry about that,” he says, for the first time since he’d been taken he’s hopeful about the future. Excited about what it might bring. It’s a new feeling, a _good_ feeling, and one he wants to hold onto for as long as he possibly can. 

Maybe, he thinks, looking down at Todd, one he wants to hold onto forever. 

“We’ve got plenty of time yet.”

By the time the sun sets over the horizon, Dirk knows without a doubt the days and months and _years_ that follow will be the best he’s ever had. 

And somewhere, though he may be loathe to admit it, Todd knows it too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my first Brotzly getting together fic, I thought it was about time <3
> 
> Let me know what you think! I like getting words in return for these words so if you enjoyed it, let me know! I hope you like it, I'd ask you to be nice but I already know you're a lovely lot.
> 
> You can catch me at [kieren-fucking-walker](http://kieren-fucking-walker.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you want to yell at me/talk to me about Dirk Gently/generally freak out over these two idiots.
> 
> Hopefully I'll see you around, and thanks for reading <3


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